my life is art i fear

 I really want to get out of this situation, where I can laugh freely without going back and forth to the house, I think I'm good at lying to cover my character on this one, I don't know how long I have to be like this, what I mean is laugh where I don't laugh through my feelings, maybe one day I can laugh like you guys, I will laugh out loud and start living life with many solutions and answers, I'm just tired, I'm tired of lying with my current situation, and don't know how long I can endure, if you think to be me, I don't want to be me myself, I want to live a normal one hundred percent, don't feel pain and sweat cold, I stopped, everything feels burdened, laughs and cries that are not clear come and I avoid it with my chat With my friends, I want to live on behalf of my young self, still drinking milk and being held in my mother's lap, my old self was crying in my darkest heart, asking to get out but I closed it, because I didn't know what it was like, until I finally realized that everything I had started had an end and hopefully the end is near me